The Canyon

Drug Addiction and the Family

Some couples click because they like the same movies or the same foods, the same music or the same hangouts. Any common connection combined with mutual attraction can spark the kind of whirlwind romance that sweeps you off your feet. The one thing we all have in common is that inner longing for true intimacy: knowing someone as well as you know yourself, and trusting another person with your most vulnerable feelings. When one or both of you are addicted to drugs or alcohol, real intimacy is an impossibility.

Drugs and Alcohol Function as Security Blankets

Some couples rely on getting high or getting drunk in order to connect with each other. The anxiety, fear, and shame that shrouds them as individuals is too much to bear, even for themselves. Just the thought of opening up and exposing those wounds to someone else is a tortuous experience. When we allow the inner parts of ourselves to be seen, we risk rejection. The fear of being hurt by another person can become so overwhelming we feel as if we need to kill the pain to get past it. Drugs and alcohol become our shields, our emotional body guards that protect us from outside dangers.

Disconnecting is Not a Way Of Connecting

When a relationship is focused around drug or alcohol use rather than real human experiences, problems, and needs, we ignore the aspects of ourselves and our partners that are most in need of love and attention. Each partner begins to withdraw because their needs are not being met. Dependency on drugs and alcohol increases to cover up the pain of an inadequate relationship, and the dysfunctional cycle continues.

Detox and Drug Rehab Brings Couples Closer

Learning to live with yourself and love yourself in spite of past mistakes can pave the way for meaningful, intimate relationships with other people. If both partners recognize the need for change and commit to the process of detox and rehab, the common connection in the relationship evolves into offering support and motivation for staying clean, learning to work constructively on problems, and communicating effectively so that everyone’s needs are satisfied.

If the promise of a healthy relationship isn’t quite enough to convince you it’s time to get help, consider the possibility that at any time there could be an announcement of a new addition to the family. Do you really want to continue your drug habit with your pregnant wife? What kind of an example will you set for your kids if you keep drinking? If you’ve already kicked the habit by the time baby comes along, you’ll be ready to focus on your little one and provide for their needs while still paying attention to your own.

Tell Us: If your partner was more supportive of you getting clean, would it motivate you to get help?

You’ve been doing this for years - shooting up or drinking, or even both.  Day after day you escape the reality of what goes on around you.  But why?  How did this start?  What’s the real reason?

Dual Diagnosis Addiction with Mental Illness

If you take a look back, way back, do you recall a lot of depression or anxiety?  Or did you always seem to be going up and down, mood swings coming with the change of the breeze?  If so, you may have a mental illness along with your addiction, also called a dual diagnosis. 

Although it is not completely known which comes first, the latest research suggests that in most cases the mental illness comes first.  That means you have very likely turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the mental stress and emotional pain of your depression, anxiety, bipolar, or even schizophrenia. 

Turn to Drugs and Alcohol to Cope With Trauma

You may have had a tough life as a child - abuse, neglect, divorce, frequent moves, parents with multiple boyfriends or girlfriends.  Or you might have experienced a traumatic event or situation like a car accident, death of someone close, natural disaster, or another life threatening experience.

The emotional burden of going through these kinds of situations can feel too big to bear.  The loss or fear can feel overwhelming, drugs and alcohol may provide the escape you desperately want.  These events can even trigger an episode of depression or anxiety, which would add to the load.

Feelings of Self Doubt and Insecurity Get the Addiction Ball Rolling

You can be the life of the party when you are out drinking or partying with your friends.  But sober, you feel like you don’t have much to say or you doubt how much others like you.  You want to be sure you are “on” at the party, plus you drown out your otherwise constant stream of self-critical thoughts. 

At first, your alcohol and drug use may have felt like a solution to a problem.  However, if you are already at risk for an addiction in some way (addictive personality type, depression or anxiety, high tolerance, low self-worth), this “party use” can push you over the edge into addiction. 

Why Does it Matter Why You Get High

There are many ways of getting a high feeling - getting immersed in an activity you love, watching an exciting sporting event, recalling special fun moments from the past, watching your kids enjoy their activities, taking a brisk walk in a beautiful location, coming across a little good luck in your day.  All of these can come naturally and enhance your life experiences. 

When you have a great deal of emptiness and you chase an impossible high, you may in fact chase down an addiction.  You get hooked on the sensation, becoming dependent on it to just do normal things.  Before long, you might lose sight of how it started in the first place. 

Getting on the Road to Addiction Recovery

It’s so important to uncover the original issues that started your drug use.  You may have picked up a few more problems along the way, but you need to understand what triggered it.  It’s likely you still have that problem, too.  Understanding these problems are the key to making your recovery healthy and long lasting.  The better your self awareness, the better chance you have of holding off addiction relapse. 

Know why you get high - you may even have more than one reason by now.  Don’t wait - you can have a healthier life by starting drug rehab today.

Family Support After Drug Rehab

The uneasy waiting that descends upon a family when a loved one is in drug rehab can be both a welcome relief and an agonizing experience. Drug addiction brings chaos into the home: unpredictable outbursts, guilt, manipulation, lies, thievery, and violence. It’s an ugly time that requires a momentous change in attitude before drugs and alcohol are viewed by the addict as the source of their problems.

Learning to Stay Sober with Support and Patience

Drug addiction changes a person — physically, mentally, and emotionally. Essential chemistries have been altered, neural pathways have been damaged, and life seems difficult, dull, and boring beyond compare. It’s frustrating and uncomfortable, and an addict in recovery can be easily agitated, at times bringing back all those memories of what life was like with drugs around. In a sense, they still are. While detox rids the body of the toxin, the effects are usually permanent.

Emotional Wounds Heal Faster with Love

Choices are choices, and people are people, but people are not their choices. Mistakes made in the past may be haunting memories that surface whenever the person is thought of, and the pain from those memories may cloud our judgment and reactions to that person, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect the choices they will make today. Every day is a new chance for forgiveness.

Breaking the Silence of Shame

It can be a heartbreaking revelation for a person to finally understand the hurt and suffering they have brought to those who love them. Guilt for the things they have done, and shame for the person they have become may be unbearable obstacles during the process of drug addiction recovery. Learning how to accept one’s self and be at peace with who we are is an ongoing struggle for most people, even without the pain of addiction.

While our challenges may be unique and from our own original perspectives, the simple act of talking about out struggles opens us to the possibility of deeper understanding of our own selves and others. And it doesn’t have to be after we’ve conquered our struggles, either. Vulnerability is what we all have in common, sharing our suffering through words (not actions) brings us closer than we ever thought possible.

Continued therapy (for both addict and family) can ease the anguish and provide an outlet for expressing fears and concerns in a safe, secure environment. Social networking with other people who have been where you’ve been can be of tremendous help, too. Volunteering or charity work can help keep you focused, and new hobbies and interests will bring back the zeal you once knew for a life lived beautiful. The work of recovery is never done, and there might be incidents of relapse. But knowing what you know now about addiction and recovery, chances are good you’ll be back on track in no time.

Tell Us: Who has been your biggest source of support during the process of rehab and recovery?