Addiction and Romantic Relationships Don’t Mix Well
You feel like you always have a rough time dating, always fighting and cheating on you. You’ve been addicted to drugs for a long time, but you always thought you’d have to go through a lot before you found someone worth dating. You’re right, and it might be drug treatment.
You Only Pick A Someone As Healthy As You Are
People are attracted and well matched with someone who is as emotionally healthy as they themselves are. Of course, there are some random exceptions to every situation. But consider the dynamics at work here. Would a confident successful woman with good self worth spend much time with a guy who spends most of his free time getting drunk and changing jobs? By the same time, would a drug addicted woman consistently pursue a well-grounded man with a good job and dependable friends?
The answer to both is “no”. Once the healthy person spent a short amount of time with the unhealthy person, they would quickly realize it was a waste of their time. Or perhaps it would be fun to run into them at social gatherings, but never to date. No way. Also, the drug addicted woman wouldn’t know what to do with the confident grounded guy whose main life drama was debating about college football teams with his buddies. She wouldn’t know how to handle his honesty and emotional balance. And once he knew she used cocaine – he’d be out the door anyway.
What Happens When Someone Decides to Get Sober and Healthy
According to the paragraphs above, you are only a well-matched pair (by emotional health) as long as you are both fairly unhealthy. If one of you has an addiction, the other is likely to also have an addiction or some other deep emotional needs. When one of you decides to get healthy, you may have a deal-breaker.
This may be a tough idea to accept, but think about it. If you are no longer getting drunk or high every day, your mate’s personal problems will be much more obvious, such as a whiny “poor me” attitude, neediness, or switching between emotional extremes. You may realize you really can’t tolerate their personality or behaviors now that you are making positive changes for yourself. Likewise, if your mate decides to improve their personal accountability while you remain addicted to drugs, they may be the one to walk away.
Drug Rehab Can Open the Door To Healthy Relationships
If you have a serious drug addiction problem, you may need to look into drug rehab. As long as you remain in your unhealthy habits, mindset, and surroundings, you are very unlikely to get better on your own. Drug rehab is an investment in yourself and your future relationships. That sounds kind of corny, but this is what it boils down to. The healthier you are as a person, the better you’ll be at wisely picking a mate, treating that person well, and keeping things going during difficult times. You may have to put off dating for a while, but the wait will be worth it.
Tags: Addiction and Romantic Relationships Don't Mix Well, drug treatment, drug-rehab
I have been with a man that has an addiction for 5 years. I love him and because of that love I have tryed to help him. We go to church together and he is active in the church. He was clean for about 9 months and has relapsed. He has 4 kids that I love as my own. What do I do? I dont feel like I can ever help him. I feel like these kids need me but I am not their mother. What to do?
This is a tough situation, Mary, but a common one. It’s especially difficult when there are children involved. Have you looked at support groups for friends and families of those struggling with addiction? They can be especially helpful in giving you an experienced view as well as an objective view of your own situation when they know the details.