The Canyon

Typically in the recovery world, there are two schools of thought concerning whether or not you should have a relationship while you’re going through detox and treatment for drug and alcohol addiction. The first is simple: don’t do it. Just don’t do it. Don’t date. Don’t hook up. And do not, under any circumstances, get romantically attached. The other school of thought is that two people are stronger together than one alone, that this other person can be like a partner and the two of you will be better equipped to handle temptation and, in essence, help each other stay clean.

Relationships During Addiction Treatment Recovery: The Power of Distraction

Some people enroll in a photography class when they first stop using drugs and alcohol. Others clean their house from top to bottom. Others spend their time in support group meetings and in service to others through volunteer work in the community. We do these things to replace the role of drugs in our lives, to find a way to pass the time, to find something else to think about outside of ourselves, our problems and the things that may have played a part in the development of drug addiction in the first place. A relationship can serve the same purpose: it’s fun. At least in the beginning. It’s something to do, something to think about. This new person can seem like a gift after addiction, one of the many new leases on life you’ve been given.

The problem is when this ‘distraction’ becomes an obsession. What’s that saying? “Scratch an addict, and you’ll find a codependent.” When your relationship takes your focus off of yourself to the point that you and your drug addiction treatment and recovery become secondary, distraction turns into disaster.

Relationships During Addiction Treatment Recovery: The Power of a Breakup

Just as bad as allowing your relationship to turn into an obsession is when the relationship goes downhill. In the beginning, it feels like this will never happen, but ask yourself: have you ever been in a relationship that hasn’t ultimately ended? When your emotional safety is bound up in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up to fail when the two of you inevitably have problems or decide to go your separate ways.

Even those who handle substance use well—only indulging moderately or only on rare occasions—will get drunk or high over a breakup. It’s hard to fight with someone you love, much less lose them, and if you’re freshly out of drug rehab, then you’re emotionally vulnerable and the experience is that much harder. An added pitfall is the potential for overdose that often occurs after a time of non-use and the risk of other associated risks due to driving and other poor decisions made under the influence. Even if these things don’t happen, a slip quickly turns into a relapse and relapse turns into regular use, and soon all that you’ve gained in drug rehab is nothing but a memory and you’re right back where you started. Over a relationship.

So what do you think? Bad idea? Good idea? Any circumstances to avoid or tips to pass along to those who are considering a relationship in early recovery? Tell us what you think.

That’s right! It’s official: September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month. That means that the focus this month by many local organizations and groups is on raising awareness of drug addiction and its effects on the individual as well as the community.

What is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month?

According to the official website, National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month is “ an annual observance that takes place during the month of September. The Recovery Month observance highlights the societal benefits of substance abuse treatment, lauds the contributions of treatment providers and promotes the message that recovery from substance abuse in all its forms is possible. The observance also encourages citizens to take action to help expand and improve the availability of effective substance abuse treatment for those in need.”

Every year there is a different theme and the website is like a central hub where people from across the country can get ideas, downloads and see what others are doing to promote awareness and lobby for more access to drug and alcohol rehab programs for those who need it.

National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month: Celebration

For those who have successfully completed drug and alcohol rehab and are living a life of abstinence as a result, this is a month to speak out. At rallies and special programs across the country, those in recovery are asked to talk about their experience, their difficulties and their successes. September is a month to celebrate the good that comes of drug and alcohol rehab treatment, all the saved lives, relationships and families that come with getting the medical treatment you need.

It’s also a celebration of the people who are building drug addiction treatment programs, who work in outreach, who are substance abuse treatment counselors and others who give their lives to helping those who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. Drug treatment centers often celebrate this month and honor the counselors and substance abuse treatment professionals who serve those who require treatment.

National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month: Awareness

Education is another key goal and focus of National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month. It’s not just about making it clear that drug and alcohol treatment are available but lobbying for more access to treatment and laws that offer drug rehab in prison and as an alternative to prison sentences. Disseminating information to the community about the dangers of drug abuse and drug addiction as well as information that serves to break the stereotypes surrounding drug addiction and those who are addicts is also a priority.

Go on the website and find out what’s happening in your community and get involved!

I was watching a Celebrity Rehab Sober House rerun the other day and, done with the relentless relationship and relapse drama, I found myself far more interested in one of the topics of a group meeting: parenting. The guys all seem to have kids—I don’t know if the girls do—and they expressed some guilt over not being a part of their kids’ lives. My initial impulse is that, in light of how they’ve been spending the years since their children was born, it’s probably a good thing that they cut out when they did.

No Judgment on Parents Struggling with Drug Addiction

Now this may not be a popular opinion, but I have no problem with those who have biologically contributed to the production of a child and choose to continue getting loaded. It’s their choice. It may not be what I would choose or what I would hope for in a partner, but let’s be honest: it is far better that the parent take that life as far from the child as possible. Staying and “trying” to get or stay clean with constant relapses helps no one, not the addict and not the kid. So though these guys—Andy Dick, Rodney King, Seth Binzer—may feel some guilt about their choices, I applaud their moment of clarity and self awareness. They knew they weren’t done getting loaded and they didn’t bring their kids down with them.

Kids and Parents Who Get High

This is not to say that I advocate fathering or mothering children while under the influence, that I condone unprotected or irresponsible sex that results in a child, or that I think that it’s good for a child to have a parent who is actively using. However, things happen. Pregnancies happen unexpectedly. Abortion isn’t always an option or it may not be the option that the mother wants. Good intentions are not enough to keep you clean and neither is a baby. If you’re not done, you’re not done. The trick is being objective and assessing your desire to get and stay clean and be a parent against your addiction.

Personal Experience with Parenting and Drug Rehab and Recovery

So what has been your experience in this area? Do you have a parent or parents who continually chose to get loaded? Were they a part of your life? What about your kids? Do you have a partner who tries to stay clean but can’t do it and it’s affecting your child? How have you handled these situations? Do you have any advice for others who are going through it?