Drug and alcohol addiction can seem like it sneaks up on the person who’s addicted.  However, there are actually many ways to tell that a person is in denial of their problem.  Here are just a few ways to see trouble coming with a drug addiction.  Drug treatment may be in the future when you begin to notice these kinds of situations.

photo credit: Diacritical

Continued Drug Use Despite Clear Potential For Disaster

So if you had bumped into the cops a few times recently, your job was in jeopardy, and you were worried about keeping custody of your child after your divorce, how do you manage drug and alcohol use?  Well, everything just listed could be dramatically (and negatively) affected by drug and alcohol use.  Even casual use might come under close scrutiny with those circumstances.

Someone addicted to drugs may very well express concern about having their life turned upside down by legal problems, a lost job, or problems with child custody.  However, they may also defend their right to continue using to help them relieve stress.  They may complain about how people are getting too much into their business.  They may lay the groundwork for blaming someone else for getting them into trouble. 

Drug and alcohol use is a personal behavior, with the responsibility coming squarely on the shoulders of that individual.  When they seem to use drugs despite their knowledge of huge potential problems, they are likely in denial of their addiction.  A person with better judgment and mental functioning would quickly realize these behaviors need to stop to prevent problems in the future. 

Continued Drug Use Despite History of Life Disaster

When a person has already been to jail, already totalled their car, already experienced a divorce or financial ruin from drug and alcohol use, it can be hard to understand why they might continue using.  Drug and alcohol addiction is a form of emotional coping - unhealthy, but still a form of coping.  When problems get really bad, it may seem like the only way to keep going every day. 

The very cause of a person’s destruction is the thing they keep doing.  Seems strange, doesn’t it?  This is what happens when a person has lost all control of their drinking or drug use.  Their immediate emotional and physical gratification constantly trumps their ability to plan for a different life.  They may even occassionally express a desire for something different, but while addicted they may simply have little capacity to visualize what’s really wrong much less change

Drug Treatment Is Necessary To Restore Judgment and Healthy Perspective

When a person’s general perspective is so distorted that they knowingly put themselves in jeopardy over and over, it’s time for professional help.  An addicted person has impaired judgment and has self-protection habits that keep them from comprehending the truth of their situation.  Thankfully, professional counselors at a drug rehab center can help an addicted person understand these destructive patterns.  At drug rehab, an addict can gradually regain their abilities to judge situations, make good decisions, and look out for their future. 

Check back for another post coming soon about more denial red flags for drug and alcohol addiction.  Knowing these signs of denial could help you or someone you care for get their life on a healthy track.

This is a two part guide on choosing the right drug rehab center for you or your loved one. It’s a huge decision, and sometimes just having a helpful checklist like these two blog posts, can make the task seem simpler. Here are some more important points to consider when making your choice.

Check the Drug Rehab Centers Reputation In The Area

If you are targeting a particular drug rehab centers, it can be helpful to contact a few doctors or outpatient drug and alcohol counselors in the area for a professional opinion. They have likely made referrals or heard local publicity about the drug rehab center and may be able to give you some good information. You may be able to determine whether they have any reservations about the center, if they think very highly of it, or if it seems to match your needs at all.

Learn About The Rehab Centers Professional Credentials

The advertisements may be attractive and the stories compelling, but it really comes down to quality professionals that meet the highest standards. Drug and alcohol counselors go through a rigorous process of training and years of experience before they are licensed.

Drug and alcohol addiction is also a medical condition, meaning that several parts of the drug rehab process may include medical supervision of some kind. Detox often involves prescription medication to reduce withdrawal symptoms. People with co-occurring mental illness often need psychiatric medication during their drug treatment. Also, drug and alcohol addiction increases the chance of other health issues like high blood pressure, digestive disease, and heart problems.

What all of this means is that the drug and alcohol professionals from counselors on up to medical doctors need to have top notch credentials. You’ll want to find out more about the people who will be treating you or your loved one before you make your choice.

Find The Rehab That Fints Your Needs Best

Not all rehabs are built alike. Some have holistic features, others have remote seclusion and exclusivity, and others have proximity to well known medical facilities. Of course, you also need to find out what kinds of problems need to be treated. If you have a mental illness along with an addiction, some places will be better equipped to treat you completely.

Also, if you have a host of medical conditions, you will want to ask questions about how you can stay on track with those issues. Find out about their detox process, their exercise programs, their gender focus, their religious affiliations and accomodations. Find out about the qualifications of their staff, especially if you have some unique needs or preferences.

Although you may find a great deal of information to start you off just by looking at a brochure or website, some in depth questioning can help you match needs and a facility more accurately. Many drug rehabs have someone available to answer questions just about any time.

Drug Rehab Choice Is A Personal One

There may be no single “perfect” drug rehab for you. Just like buying a home or a car, you may need to give up one thing to have a big positive. Or, you may find that you have several choices that would be great. In the end, it’s most important that you make a choice you feel comfortable with and you begin as soon as possible. Even though the process may seem overwhelming, you can get through it to get the help you and your family needs.

Making the choice about going to drug rehab can be a big moment in your life. There are so many mixed feelings, so many decisions to make, and so much uncertainty. This and a second post coming later can give you some points to consider when choosing a drug rehab.

Consider The Financial Cost As Compared To Cost Of a Continued Addiction

Financial news has been bad lately, and it is bound to pinch everyone in some way. This can make a person considering residential drug treatment get nervous about their budget. And yes, like many health treatments, cost is an important part of the picture. But before you dismiss any drug rehab center on cost alone, take a serious look at how the addiction has affected your finances over the last several years.

Legal costs, extra money going to pay for drugs or alcohol, property or car damage from DUI or physically distructive outbursts, wages lost from work absenteeism, job loss, injury from drug or alcohol related accident, general budget chaos because of erratic spending or poor planning - it’s all part of the addiction.

If all that was to continue with an untreated addiction for several more years, could that possibly eclipse the cost of a month or two of residential drug treatment? When you consider that, you may find that you can consider high quality programs that seem expensive but fit your needs closely. This kind of investment can actually prevent much greater costs in the long run.

Find Out About Post Rehab Options

If you are seriously impaired enough to need a residential drug treatment program, you are certainly in need of some kind of assistance transitioning into your home environment. A good drug rehab center will have some places for a newly sober drug addict to go besides straight home if needed. It may be one of their official programs or services, or these choices may be places they frequently refer to at discharge. Sober living arrangements can be a good transition step, offering some freedoms along with 24 hour support.

Even for addicts who are preparing to go directly home after drug treatment, support services and recommendations for outpatient drug treatment are valuable. You want to know what they think is helpful so you can get a bigger picture of your drug treatment process (and what to look for in your own area for support when you get home).

Check Out The Drug Rehab Center Website

So many places of business have a professional website now. Even a few years ago it was hit and miss. Now it is almost expected for all kinds of businesses to have an online presence. Drug rehab centers often serve people beyond their immediate area. Because of this, they often provide a comprehensive profile of their services, facility, and staff members. You can usually find email contacts, phone numbers, and sometimes even a live chat option.

More About Choosing a Drug Rehab Center

Be sure to check out another post coming soon covering a few more important pointers. This is an important decision; get well informed before making your commitment.

Drug and alcohol addiction doesn’t just run through your life in a simple straight line.  It has ups, downs, stops, starts, and even twists.  You will likely need a variety of drug treatment options throughout your life, including times of sobriety and relapse.  This is a brief overview of the kinds of drug treatment and support available across the United States today.

Residential Drug Rehab

A residential drug rehab center is the most formal and structured types of of drug treatment.  A person is admitted and lives on the campus, usually with very limited or no freedom to come and go off the property.  What a person staying in a drug rehab center gives up in freedoms, they gain in professional and co-resident support and attention.

Some drug rehab centers have features such as a holistic treatment approach, large private grounds, and sometimes luxurious rooms and landscaping.  In addition to top-level drug treatment, some drug rehabs offer nutritional counseling, exercize programs, and yoga classes.

Sober Living Homes

Sober Living is a type of living arrangement for drug addiction recovery.  It has more freedoms than a residential drug treatment but offers more structure and guidance than completely independent living. 

It’s a great choice for a person who has completed a more formal structured drug treatment program but isn’t quite ready for the openness of living back at home.  Sober living allows residents to establish good independent living habits in a home-like environment. 

Outpatient Drug Treatment

Outpatient drug treatment is a good option for someone who is able to live in their home environment while participating in regular treatment.  It can vary from once a week to a more intense schedule of two or three times a week.  Intensive outpatient treatment groups commonly go several weeks with several meetings per week. 

Individual sessions can be done while in the midst of a group treatment series.  Or, they can stand alone for a person who still needs professional support and help but does not have the need for an intense treatment regimen.  Male and female counselors of all ages are available around the United States.  It’s important to find a good fit between you and your drug treatment counselor.

Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous

Whatever type of addiction you have, there is probably some form of support group that fits you.  Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are two well known groups across the United States and beyond.  A group for family member of addicts is known as Al Anon.

Over the last few years, the internet has allowed for a tremendous expansion of online support groups.  It’s been appealing to people not living close to an active group, people who haven’t found a helpful group in their neighborhood, or people who simply prefer the online format.  Whatever your preferences, it is simply best that you find a support group that works for you and that you commit yourself to it.

Drug Treatment Options Cover Everyone’s Needs

Whether you need a full drug rehab center experience or you are in the midst of maintaining your sobriety, today’s drug treatment options cover a wide spread of needs.  If you think you are in need of drug treatment, contact The Canyon to find answers to your questions. 

The bigger they are, tnd he harder they fall.  This phrase could easily describe some of the celebrities that have fallen into the drug addiction lifestyle.  Even a minor celebrity experiences more of their life in the public eye than most people do in their entire lives.  This plus inherited factors, plus connections with free-flowing sources of drugs and alcohol - it can all add up to time in drug rehab.

Celebrity Drug Rehab on VH1

The famous Celebrity Drug Rehab show has brought attention to many famous people struggling with addiction.  Some celebrities have made positive change, others seem to demonstrate just how deeply they are tormented. 

The most recent “reunion” is of the 2007 series, reviewed in more detail here in the Meditox blog.  Of the celebrity attendees, Bridgette Nielson (actress), Ricco Rodriguez (fighter), and Seth Binzer (Shifty from Crazytown, musician) all seemed to have the most positive outcomes.   

Unfortunately, some celebrities like Steven Baldwin (actor) and Jessica Sierra (Am Idol) were absent.  Those on “in between” ground included Chyna (wrestler), Jeff Conoway (actor), and Mary Carey (actress).  Unfortunately, one child star appeared to go back to active drug use - Jaimee Foxworth (actress) from the show Family Matters.

Media Articles and Pictures Of Celebrity Drug Rehab and AddictionIt’s been hard to escape footage and photos of Amy Winehouse and her scattered appearance.  Media has even helped expose her drug use.  There’s an infamous shot of her doing drugs outside while appearing half-dressed.  Nick Nolte had an exceptionally unflattering photo from a DUI arrest a few years back - wild hair and an odd facial expression included.

Lindsay Lohan, Robert Downey Jr, Natalie Cole, and Drew Barrymore appear to have maintained sobriety and pulled their lives in good directions.  Of course, anyone with an addiction history is at risk for relapse and should always be proactive about their sobriety.  However, the headlines have not tracked recent drug addiction problems for any of them lately. 

Drew and Natalie have the longest period of sobriety of these four people.  They have established good consistent performing careers and have spoken out about their drug rehab experiences.  Robert Downey, Jr.  spent time in drug rehab and jail several times.  However, he has had a recent surge in his career along with maintaining five years of sobriety. 

Lindsay seems to have held together about 18 months of sobriety to this point.  Her last arrest and drug rehab was in the summer of 2007, and it was reported that in August of 2008 she had hired a sober companion to help her remain sober. 

Celebrities Benefit From Drug Rehab And So Can You

Ultimately, it’s important to realize that celebrities are people with the same kinds of vulnerabilities as anyone.  However, they also have the added pressure of doing it all in front of everyone.  While many people would love the rich lifestyle a lot of celebrities have, not many would want the added scrutiny that celebs go through when they go through drug rehab, get tangled in legal problems, and fall apart in the public eye.

That said, it seems that many celebrities have also found help by going to drug rehab.  Celebrity drug rehab has all the added health and esthetic benefits of a spa, coupled with top-notch drug treatment.  You can experience the privacy of a holistic celebrity drug rehab at The Canyon, but without the paparazzi after you finish.

Do you know what your addiction relapse moment will be?  This question isn’t meant to stir up fear and panic inside you.  It’s meant to make you think honestly about yourself.  What are the personal areas of your life that are most vulnerable, making you seek the comfort of hiding in alcohol and/or drugs?

Drug Addiction Has Dark Days

If you’ve struggled with drug addiction, you have certainly known some dark times in your life.  Even if you’ve been to drug treatment before, you know you are never done with the recovery journey.  Much of what goes on in the daily life of a drug addict has to do with emotions.  When a person has a mental illness or a drug addiction (or both), feelings are put in charge.  Good sense and rational thinking make rare appearances, and don’t have a lot of say. 

With that much raw emotion dangling out in the air, your vulnerabilities hang right out there, too.  Oh, you might disagree with me on that one.  You’ve done a pretty solid job of hiding your deepest shame, your conflicting beliefs, your guilt.  Ironically, the more strongly you protect these weak spots (without honesty), the more you expose your less appealing personal qualities. 

Anxiety and Feeling Weak Can Be Relapse Triggers

For example, let’s just say that you have some significant anxiety.  You thought you were in control of many things, but you are now facing reality.   If your confidence was built on this perception of control, you are suddenly feeling pretty weak. 

To protect these feelings of weakness and strong anxiety, you may take bigger risks at work to impress others.  You might do more finger pointing about other people’s failures that “make you look bad.”  You are scared and you believe others will know you are/were a fraud.  But you’d much rather go down in flames than have anyone realize how anxious and ashamed you feel. 

This is what it’s like having your emotions run the show.  Sound like fun?  To make matters worse, you might begin to use alcohol or drugs to help you calm your disturbing feelings.  It’s a lot of work to hold down your anxiety and deflect “attacks” - maybe a drink or a hit will help you forget.  Of course, you would probably define this as just chilling out, having fun, or de-stressing.  You are actually giving your fragile emotions more weapons to use against yourself. 

Anxiety over losing control is just one example of an addiction relapse hot button.  Yours might be shame over being abused as a child, and anything that triggers those memories.  Or, you might struggle with bipolar, and the appeal of the manic cycle may overshadow your good sense to seek treatment at that time.  It doesn’t matter so much what your relapse hot buttons might be, just that you know honestly what they are. 

Drug Rehab Is Not A Cure For Drug Addiction

One problem with relapse is that some people hold a fantasy about drug rehab, that it ends their addiction for good - they will never experience the woes of drug addiction ever again.  While some people certainly do hold on to their sobriety for years, the fantasy of drug rehab as some kind of “fix” is just that - a fantasy. 
Does this mean that you should be discouraged about going to drug rehab?  Absolutely not.  Be cautious about all-or-nothing thinking.  Drug treatment isn’t a cure for addiction, but it most definitely provides the best chance for a person to gain long-standing sobriety.  The key?  Know your relapse hot buttons and keep on them every day. 

Mental illness has treated like a dirty secret for thousands of years, causing people to be shunned and isolated.  Mental illness fairly common among the human population.  Only in the last several decades has it been getting respect as a treatable condition worthy of medical and professional attention.  Stigma interferes with people stepping forward to get the treatment they need.  The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) works to create awareness every year during National Mental Illness Awareness Week. 

Stigma Keeps People From Getting Mental Health and Addiction Treatment

Stigma is a bad image or association made with something or someone.  The stigma surrounding mental illness says “You are worthless and crazy if you admit you have a problem,” or “You aren’t worth helping,” and even, “Don’t tell - no one would believe you anyway.”  The potential embarrassment from others’ reactions is often what keeps people with a mental illness isolated and tight lipped. 

What if they say unkind things to you?  What if they don’t respect or love you anymore?  Could you lose your job because someone thinks you can’t hold your life together?  These may sound like extreme examples, but they’re not.  The stigma surrounding mental illness is so powerful that many people with a mental illness would rather suffer longer than risk rejection or more emotional pain from the negative reactions of others. 

People With Dual Diagnosis Get A Double Whammy of Stigma

As if it’s not difficult enough to deal with a mental illness, imagine the stigma of having an addiction on top of it.  You are doubly cursed, crazy and a drunk, a druggie and nutcase - the list could get worse from here.  Mental illness and addiction are sometimes judged by others as stemming from a permanent character flaw.  People with these kinds of problems are just losers or defective in some way, the dredge of society. 

Of course, it’s much easier to point the finger when it’s directed away from you.  Having a drug addiction and serious depression or anxiety may be too much for some non-affected people to comprehend clearly.  It sounds so horrible and all-engulfing, so they distance themselves from it. 

Mental illness and addiction may illicit negative reactions of pity, disgust, superiority, rejection, name-calling, cruel jokes, fear, mistrust, and many more.  When someone is uninformed (or worse, poorly informed), biased against people with challenges, or not very empathetic, these negative reactions are more likely to occur.

Erode The Stigma of Mental Illness to Help Your Community

Each individual develops their own beliefs on mental illness and drug addiction, including any stigma against them.  That means you have the power to challenge and expand your understanding of mental illness.  As more people understand the truth about mental illness and addiction, the stigma can be lessened.  One day, starting drug rehab or mental illness counseling could become as acceptable as getting treatment for a heart condition or cancer. 

Feel bad about the US Economy right now?  You’re not alone.  Are you worried about your ability to pay for mental health and drug treatment?  The US government may have actually made it easier for you this past week.  The 700 billion dollar bailout bill had several tag-along projects attached to make it more palatable to Congress.  One of those extra items was the Mental Health and Addiction Parity Act of 2008.

Drug Addiction and Mental Health Coverage Is A Beam of Light In The Darkness

Amongst all the bad news of the economy, this has managed to finally make it past the Senate and singed into law last week.  It had passed in the House several months ago, but was apparently facing roadblocks in the Senate.  Many Americans disagree with or at least have misgivings about the whole economic bailout package.  And some of the “sweeteners” were puzzling (wooden arrows?), triggering more anger because it looks like typical excessive government spending. 

That all being said, it seems that at least for people with mental illness and drug addiction, one truly positive thing has come of this whole mess.  While victories are few and far between here, getting mental health and addiction treatment coverage on equal footing with other aspects of medical coverage can only be considered a positive thing. 

Untreated Mental Health and Addiction Add Up The Costs

Where was the inequity in addiction and Mental health insurance coverage?  Restrictions on coverage have sometimes been greater on mental health diagnoses than other physical problems.  I don’t know if this has happened universally, but it was recognized as enough of a problem across the nation to spur on this bill more than 10 years ago. 

Companies increasing their total coverage of ailments may face higher costs of operation.  Simply put, more claims come in wanting money for services, so there are fears about how companies will get the money for it.  However, it’s important to know that mental illness is closely linked with many other physical problems, which are the behaviors most noticed by a company’s human resource department. 

Higher absenteeism and lost productivity when at work are major draws on company resources.  These cost companies thousands if not millions of dollars year in and year out.  If increased coverage for mental illnesses and addictions can improve those problems, businesses purchasing insurance coverage may be willing to take a slightly higher insurance cost to improve their overall bottom line. 

Improved Health Insurance Coverage For Drug Addiction and Mental Health Connects Mind and Body

The lack of equality in insurance coverage we’ve seen is another example of the disconnect Westernized countries have with mental illness and physical health.  Nations with Eastern philosophies and cultures have historically connected the mind and body much more closely.  Take a look at any “alternative health” treatment (such , and you see the difference.  Interesting that it is called “alternative” therapies such as yoga, acupuncture, meditation, and others have been around for thousands of years.

So if you are needing drug treatment, mental health treatment, or both, you can now look for more equal opportunity insurance coverage for your needs.  The fate of the US economy?  It’s hard to tell what will happen in the coming days and months.  Regardless, don’t hesitate to do what’s best for your addiction and mental health problems.  Drug rehab works and can bring new hope for you.

The US economy is certainly facing some tough times right now.  If you are like most Americans, you might be trying to think of ways to keep a closer eye on your money coming and going.  For someone with a drug addiction or alcoholism, large chunks of money are spent (by them and probably the community at some point) on the effects of their addiction.  Though it may not be the strongest motivator for quitting, the troubling economics of a drug addiction can be a stunning piece of reality.

It Costs Money to Buy Drugs and Alcohol

Right off the bat, a person with an addiction usually spends money or trades goods and services for their drug supply.  With harder drugs like cocaine and heroin, people (often women) trade sexual favors for drugs.  While this technically doesn’t cost money, it can certainly perpetuate a person’s drugged state.  This affects their ability to hold a job, keep track of the money they do have, etc.  Also, a sexually transmitted disease can add to a person’s medical expenses.

A celebrity or wealthy person can get away with the high cost of drug use for much longer than most people could.  The impact on the more average budgeting person can be devistating.  A drug addiction could easily cost in the hundreds per week.  A high level of alcohol use gets expensive as well.  For many people, spending an extra several hundred dollars a week or month would put a large dent in their budget.  It could mean the difference between making a rent payment, paying basic utility bills, or keeping food on the table for the family.

The Community Pays For Crimes and Accidents Caused By Drug Addiction

In the case of drunk driving, one miscue while handling a vehicle can cost a community lots of money.  First, there’s the night in jail when the offense occurs, followed by the costs of hearings and even trials where necessary.  The drunk driver also becomes part of a probation officer’s caseload most times.  If there is any sort of damage caused to another car or person, there could be criminal charges or civil charges - more court time and possibly jail or prison time.  Drug and alcohol education classes and addiction treatment groups are often funded by government monies designated to community mental health centers to ensure affordability. 

Personal injury on the part of the driver, passengers, or any other victims also adds up.  It seems that many times the driver is spared, and the victims suffer through serious injuries or even death (this is just my observation, no numbers here to prove this).  If anyone in the scenario is uninsured or on economic assistance, the state covers medical costs.  Also, if someone involved is injured to the point that they cannot return to work, it’s possible they may rely on disability benefits.  One way or another, these costs can all be dumped on the city, county, or state to take care of.

Drug Rehab Is An Investment To Begin Addiction Recovery

If your finances are damaged by a drug or alcohol addiction, it’s time to look at the truth.  It’s more than just your money - it’s your relationships, your time, your spirit.  It’s all damaged.  Drug treatment costs money, but what’s the cost of another year of buying drugs, repairing the damage from an accident, paying the attorney, court fees, restitution?  Money can be used for good or for bad.  When you use invest your money in drug rehab, you can have a whole new lease on life and your financial future.  

You feel like you always have a rough time dating, always fighting and cheating on you.  You’ve been addicted to drugs for a long time, but you always thought you’d have to go through a lot before you found someone worth dating.  You’re right, and it might be drug treatment. 

You Only Pick A Someone As Healthy As You Are

People are attracted and well matched with someone who is as emotionally healthy as they themselves are.  Of course, there are some random exceptions to every situation.  But consider the dynamics at work here.  Would a confident successful woman with good self worth spend much time with a guy who spends most of his free time getting drunk and changing jobs?  By the same time, would a drug addicted woman consistently pursue a well-grounded man with a good job and dependable friends? 

The answer to both is “no”.  Once the healthy person spent a short amount of time with the unhealthy person, they would quickly realize it was a waste of their time.  Or perhaps it would be fun to run into them at social gatherings, but never to date.  No way.  Also, the drug addicted woman wouldn’t know what to do with the confident grounded guy whose main life drama was debating about college football teams with his buddies.  She wouldn’t know how to handle his honesty and emotional balance.  And once he knew she used cocaine - he’d be out the door anyway.

What Happens When Someone Decides to Get Sober and Healthy

According to the paragraphs above, you are only a well-matched pair (by emotional health) as long as you are both fairly unhealthy.  If one of you has an addiction, the other is likely to also have an addiction or some other deep emotional needs.  When one of you decides to get healthy, you may have a deal-breaker. 

This may be a tough idea to accept, but think about it.  If you are no longer getting drunk or high every day, your mate’s personal problems will be much more obvious, such as a whiny “poor me” attitude, neediness, or switching between emotional extremes.  You may realize you really can’t tolerate their personality or behaviors now that you are making positive changes for yourself.  Likewise, if your mate decides to improve their personal accountability while you remain addicted to drugs, they may be the one to walk away. 

Drug Rehab Can Open the Door To Healthy Relationships

If you have a serious drug addiction problem, you may need to look into drug rehab.  As long as you remain in your unhealthy habits, mindset, and surroundings, you are very unlikely to get better on your own.  Drug rehab is an investment in yourself and your future relationships.  That sounds kind of corny, but this is what it boils down to.  The healthier you are as a person, the better you’ll be at wisely picking a mate, treating that person well, and keeping things going during difficult times.  You may have to put off dating for a while, but the wait will be worth it.