The Canyon

It’s a fine line when you’re trying to help someone you love who is addicted to drugs and/ or alcohol. Too much help can be termed “codependent,” essentially making their addiction possible by providing them with a place to stay, money to feed their habit and helping them to lie and cover up addictive behavior in front of others. Too little help and your friend or family member may not realize that there is a way out of addiction through detox and treatment.

Offer Medical Help Instead of Financial Support

One way to help your loved one not only realize that there help is available but also recognize that they have a problem that is affecting their life and the lives of those around them is to organize a drug addiction intervention. A staged meeting that includes close family, friends and community leaders like clergy who are close to the person suffering from addiction is most common. A neutral mediator is often invited to help everyone maintain focus and keep things short and specific.

The Goal of a Drug Addiction Intervention

The point is of an intervention is two-fold. The first goal is to give concrete examples of events that illustrate how the addict is hurting herself and others. This is usually done first to help the person being confronted understand the depth and severity of the situation.

The second goal of an drug addiction intervention is for the addict to choose drug rehab—immediately. An ultimatum is usually made: go to drug rehab or lose something specific and important. This “something specific and important” can be a spouse saying, “Get help or I’m divorcing you,” or it can be a parent telling a child, “Get help or move out.” The point is that the consequences for not choosing to get help immediately—that is, walk out the door, get in the car and drive directly to a drug rehab like The Canyon—are dire and also immediately effective.

Though it may sound harsh, a drug addiction intervention can be a valuable way to help your loved one get the help they need now. If you need assistance, check here the rest of the month for more tips or contact The Canyon if you would like a professional interventionist to assist you in approaching your loved one on the subject of drug addiction treatment.

If hearing another’s personal experience with drugs is the best way to understand the true nature of drug addiction and if making connections with others who are struggling with drug addiction will help us become stronger in our recovery, then one Laguna Beach, California, mom is doing everything she can to help both sides of addiction.

Drug Addiction and Radio

Leyla Fatima is a single mother of two sons, both of whom struggled for almost 10 years with drug and alcohol addictions. With time spent in emergency rooms, drug rehabs and jail visitation as a result, Fatima decided to launch a radio show to talk about her experiences and reach out to other parents who are going through the same thing.

Fatima says, “Watching our kids self-destruct is one of the most horrible, difficult things we can go through as parents. Society often places blame on us for our kids’ problems, which also makes us feel further disconnected from the world.

“I was a present, engaged and good mother. This is a disease — it’s no one’s fault.”

Connecting with Parents of Drug Addicted Children

Her positive view of getting through the drug addiction of family members is spread through “Parenting the Addict Child,” her radio show which first aired on cable Internet a year ago and has since been picked up for national syndication by Intravision. Starting February 1, it will air from 12 noon to 2 PM on Sundays on KLSX 97.1 FM.

Fatima says, “I really want to create change so that we [as a society] come to a place where addiction is accepted and is not associated with failure or shame. Parents should not be ashamed of their children, but should feel open to talk about it, share their stories and educate one another in order to help their children.”

Sharing Offers a Gift to Both Sides

It’s a relief to vent and share whether we’re struggling with our drug addiction or someone else’s. It’s also comforting to know that we’re not alone in what we’re dealing with and listening to someone else’s story provides that support. “These parents are a gift, and they have no idea what they give me,” Fatima says.

According to Ashley Breeding at the Laguna Beach Coastline Pilot, “Fatima encourages her listeners with words of compassion and humor, and lends advice to mostly parents of young and adult addicts based on her own experiences. Her message to listeners is that they must redefine “love” as parents and deal with addiction as a disease. She encourages them to support their children’s fight against these addictions while maintaining their own independence.”

Fatima says, “It is important to laugh through it and still find pleasure in life despite our grievances. What else can we do?”

You’ve noticed a few changes in your loved one. He or she is looking a little less… coifed than usual, let’s say. There’s been more than a few ups and downs in their mood, a little excessively perhaps. Money seems always to be a problem and their hours have been a bit off. Maybe they’re disappearing for longer than usual or spending more and more time isolating themselves from the family. Conversation is minimal unless they are effusive and chatty and eye contact and interactions in general are strained.

Drug addiction comes to mind and you decide to ask them straight out. Good communication is the best policy, right? But your inquiries are met with defensiveness, anger, maybe they even turn it around on you or just ignore you completely. Still, you feel that something is definitely wrong but you don’t want to accuse them of addiction because you don’t have any solid proof. Is drug testing the answer?

The Issue of Trust With Family Drug Testing

The problem with testing someone for drugs after they have denied that they are using is that it says straight out that you think they are lying to you. This is not good for any relationship and if it’s possible that anything else is going on, you might want to exhaust your other options and explore other possibilities before insisting on a drug test.

On the other hand, few who are addicted to drugs will readily admit that to you when you ask. Lying comes part and parcel with drug and alcohol addiction if for no other reason than your loved one likely doesn’t want to admit to him or herself just how serious the problem is. Don’t take it personally, either way, as long as your concern is for their wellbeing and not just an effort to harass them.

Secret Drug Testing or Open Drug Testing?

For some, the need to avoid confrontation or even deal with the trust issue means that secret drug testing is the only way. This means securing a sample from your loved one without their knowledge. This is easy enough with hair sample tests, but it may be a bit more difficult if you need a sample of another kind. 

What do you think? Is it ethical to drug test someone without their knowledge even though your intentions obviously hold their best interest in mind?

Are You Rationalizing?

Either side of the fence that you’re leaning toward, look at yourself and explore your motives before proceeding with a drug test or deciding against it. Does your gut tell you that your loved one is addicted to drugs, but you’re choosing to avoid a drug test to save your relationship with them or because you’re scared of what it might mean for everyone concerned if you get a positive result?

What do you think about at-home drug tests? Have you ever done one on your family member or loved one? What happened?